Never ending

Have you ever avoided something because it felt like that was the best thing to do? Have you ever felt like you are not home no matter where you are? Have you ever felt that you don't belong? Have you ever asked "God" to fix your life and you wake up everyday with the same situation at hand? Do you ever feel broken? I do, and I'm just wondering if anyone else does? These thoughts run thru my mind daily and still, I find no answers.

Yes Yes and Yes......I know I need to deal with my alters cuz it is the best thing for the system but it is so hard I want to avoid it.....make it go away but that makes it worse. I rarely feel like I belong but for me with much soul searching if I am uncomfortable in my own skin it doesnt matter where I physically am I will never be "home". I don't talk to God right now because I feel so broken, I don't think I am worthy of his help....I know intellectually that is contrary to what God is about and I know that it is purely my issue. I have a new therapist since i moved and she is really a good DID therapist so therapy has gotten harder and therefore my life is so chaotic it is so not pleasant so my situation has escalated and is not better. I am broken, all those shattered pieces of self that fractured with the abuse all have so many needs and I am so inadequate to help them, but I need to, they helped me and I owe them. These thoughts are with me constantly....I would like some relief. The road to recovery is so twisted. I wish it were a straight line but it isn't. You are not alone. Please know that. You can PM me if you would like.

Wow! There are people out there that feel what I feel. I thought I was all alone. I'm am crying happy tears, not because you have the same issues, but because I am not totally alone. I seldom talk to God, because it makes me feel like I am not really his child. There are so many things running thru my head at this moment and I am so grateful that you took the time to reply. I had started to shutdown and right this minute I feel that I'm not the only person in this world, that has such feelings within my own heart. Thanks about the pm, you can do the same.

I'm not much of a talker, but I have a million thoughts and unanswered questions. Thanks for replying.

HI Bo and Janet,
I am a multiple as well. I know how you feel about thinking you are the only one. When I was growing up I always felt
like there was something different about me. Things would happen that had no good explanation. When I first found
out, I was alittle depressed and scared. I thought if anyone found out they would put me away.
Then the more I read about it, and had a great physchiatrist at the time to help me threw, and I felt and still feel
very proud of who I am. Not that I don't have my very,very bad days!

I have a good art therapist who has really helped me a lot. But I so crave to talk to another multiple. Internet is a start
but I would love to meet someone in person. Unfortunately there is no one in vancouver, bc that even wants to work
with MPD (DID) people. I attended a PTSD group out of VGH that helped some. But even the doctors there don't
really believe in it, or even know anything about it. So, right now its just me and my art therapist.

I have been working on co-consciousness with my alters. I am an artist; sculptor; I carve wood(small things) and
stone (bigger) make funky clocks, etc. I play the violin too, although not that great but we love playing.
Love sewing as well. I started making my own patterns at 9 years old. I don't know how but I just did it.
I used to feel so dumb in school though, as I would dissociate and come back, days, months later and have no idea
what was going on, and would get in trouble from the teacher. So we would try harder, and bring our books home
at night to review everything. That got us threw it.

I hope you two still visit the message boards. We would love to hear from you'se!
june